Adventures in Eavesdropping

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Confession: I eavesdrop. Like so much. 

Don't get me wrong, I have morals too. If someone is obviously trying to keep a secret or whatever, I'll occupy myself with something else, but if someone's just chatting loudly, you better believe I'm all ears. 

Last week when I flew to Michigan for the weekend, I knew I had been upgraded to first class, ya know so I dressed appropriately so I could act snobby to all those people passing me going to their seats. So the plane had been delayed but once I'm sitting in my seat when this guy in a suit comes into the plane, maybe late 50s, obviously a businessman.

As he steps over me into his cushy window seat, I hear him say just under his breath, without looking at me, "Man, this plane is taking forever to load." And because I'm not sure if he's talking to me or himself, I just give a little mhmm and go back to my book. 

Then he says, "There's no way we're landing this on time," which is totally true because duh, it's been delayed. But again, I'm not quite sure if he's talking to me, but because it's the second time, I make some inane comment to him agreeing with him. And he just gives me this weird look. 

Then he starts talking about milk, I kid you not.

"People just don't buy skim milk anymore." Okayyy. Well I buy milk? Just not skim because hello, that's basically white water.

"People don't even use creamer as often." Good to know, thanks dude.

"That's the point of strategic planning!" Okay, he's probably not talking to me.

"Dammit Ceci, you can't just notch the price down 20 cents and not expect to lose a quarter of a million dollars." Yeah Ceci. What are you thinking?!

"Ceci...Ceci?...Ceci!....Ceci?...I love you so much [in a super sappy voice]." Well that was unexpected. Can I punch him?

So he hangs up with Ceci, his milk company partner/lover, drains his plastic airplane glass of Merlot, and starts talking to "Pat".

"Hey Pat! Do you sell iPads?" What is she, his personal technology dealer?"

"Great. I need a new one. I left mine on my flight an hour ago." Oh man, I feel ya. I've done that. Not that I own an iPad. But I've like left some gum on the plane before. That's sad.

"Can you overnight it to me in Chicago?" 

"I need it in the morning. No, tomorrow morning."  I guess he couldn't say please?

And then the mean flight attendant made him turn off his phone and I was bored for the rest of the flight until he started making jokes about how the flight attendant sounded drunk. 

And that, dear friends, is why I eavesdrop.